“Please God, why? I need you to make this stop now!”
Desperate prayers tumbled out in anguish because painful circumstances weren’t getting better. No matter how much I prayed, they got worse.
“C’mon God, I know you can do this. I think you want to. Don’t you?“
I sat in the tub while dammed up tears let loose. Everything I believed true about God came under soul scrutiny. I’d read about a God who delivers, who provides shelter, and a God who protects. This wasn’t the God I was experiencing.
As far as I could tell, God wasn’t protecting me from what others said and did.
Rather, He wasn’t protecting me the way I wanted.
He didn’t take away the hard situation. Nor did He intervene and make others act “right”.
He chose another path and I didn’t like it. It meant I had to do more hard things when I thought I’d done enough. It meant hearing hard words and responding to God’s nudge in a direction full of scary possibilities.
What I didn’t know then, as I shook and wept ready to give up, was how God would use these hard things to help me grow stronger. He reshaped my heart and taught me trust with action. I thought I was powerless. God wanted me to see His power at work through me.
Despite my feelings, God wasn’t tearing me down, he was taking me through.
Too often, my prayers are about telling God what I want and begging him to make it happen. If God doesn’t deliver, I’m distraught. My stance is one of victim. I even play victim with God.
Victims don’t have choices, but victors do.
Victorious Christians choose to acknowledge God in every step. They choose to trust, even when it doesn’t make sense.
What I didn’t understand when defeat took over, was how a God who is constant in faithfulness and goodness is also a God with a personal plan. We cry out in prayer and He leads us.
God led me into a path of protection I didn’t recognize.
In this moment of messiness, years of pleading lay before my King. I made room to listen for His answer.
He said, “I’ve already given you what you need. Now walk in it.”
Stunned, I barely breathed.
I wasn’t happy. But, you know, what God says isn’t always what we want to hear and I’m learning it’s OK.
All sorts of questions came to mind. The Spirit nudged encouragement telling my soul to rest. I didn’t have to figure it out. He asked me to accept what I heard, then walk it out.
I sensed hard steps awaited me and I would not be alone when I took them.
God wanted me to trust while acknowledging His power. In this case, it looked like speaking up and remembering who I am as a child of God. It meant holding tight to the presence of my protector. It meant remembering who I am because of who He is.
When storms hit, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed, as if there’s no good way forward. But it’s not true. We’re not victims.
If we acknowledge Him along our unique path, and step with Him as He leads, we find victory because the Victor is with us.