It’s been a long couple of weeks with emotional ups and downs. In fact, the last few years have been pretty full of roaster coaster movements and I wonder when I’ll get off.
I tend to look at my circumstances and view them like the rails that zoom way up and plunge way down. I can feel the heart stopping whips around curves, as if I’m riding in a car I have no control over.
But I want control. I want to make it happen. I want the better ending, here and now. I want the ride to go the way I want, without the major drop offs.
About this time is when it feels hardest to keep going.
All I really want to do is hide. If I can’t control it, I wish it away. I don’t want to deal with it and I’m pretty certain no one wants to deal with me. The enemies’ lies are more than a whisper and I sense the heaviness of sin & defiance waiting to squash me.
Then a worship song comes on. Or, I listen to a podcasted sermon. Or, someone says something that resonates with something else I heard, and it’s scriptural. Or, I remember, something I’ve heard before.
Something I believed but had forgotten.
My mind is given the opportunity to change focus. Will I choose to? Will I actively walk with God in steps of faith to renew my mind from the downward spiral I’m in the midst of?
These questions are faced time and time and time again. I write about faith, my word for this year is believe, and I’m tested repeatedly.
Do I believe? Will I turn towards the Lord and His word and trust in what He has already done for me over what I want to do for myself?
Instead of focusing on the ups and downs and the car which makes me feel trapped with no way out, and instead of hiding like I long to do, my heart begins to look outward & upward.
Eventually, I see things differently. I’m not really trapped after all. The ride of life is far less distressing and my circumstances seem minuscule as I feel the presence of God with me in greater ways. I feel His greatness over my own smallness.
He reminds me, again, “It is finished.”
Deep sigh. I release my grip and trust Him. I get off the roller coaster.
You see, I keep wanting to pick up the burdens and weights of task oriented righteousness while my loving Savior keeps his arms open wide and says, “Rest dear one. It’s been done for you.”
He reminds me that his arms opened wide to take those burdens once & for all.
I keep gripping tight to the wheel of my roller coaster car for perceived control, as if I need to figure it all out, as if it’s up to me. Fierce control over circumstances prevents the blessings of soothing grace which He willingly offers.
And I’m guessing, I’m not the only one.
My hands are tired of gripping hard. My heart wells with gratitude for our gracious King, Father, Redeemer, Savior, Spirit, Friend, Mighty God.
Through tears I cry out, “Lord, I don’t know what to do.”
In the quiet, he responds, “It’s OK. Dear child, it’s already done.”
with love, Jolene
Cultivate Connection Sheet
This FREE Cultivate Connection sheet, with instruction video, is available for all subscribers to the A Cultivated Life newsletter.
Receive encouragement and resources. PLUS, you'll also gain access to a FREE community on Facebook and additional resources as they are available.
You explain it perfectly – that feeling in the up and down of the challenges, that needing to let God – and how, just at a down drop, He reminds us that He’s there! What sweet encouragement , Jolene!
Oh I like that Maryleigh, “just at the down drop, He remind us that He’s there” So good! Thank you.
This post was so fitting for me to read today. Thank you for sharing it.
It’s a lovely metaphor…I just wish i could feel it!
God seems a long way from here. Today I had to interrupt a conversation with my wife to run into the yard and puke enough blood to drop a weaker man…but I STILL had my duties to perform (we have a sanctuary for unwanted Pit Bulls).
Nowhere to rest my head, or my hands…these are living creatures, with hopes and fears and fully capable of love, and hurt or not, they need me…whether God’s around to help, or he’s off doing God-stuff.
But in the end…do what you have to do, God.
I got this. You trusted me with this post, and I won’t let You down.
Andrew – I really appreciate your honesty. I am praying for you that you can know God’s presence is truly with you even though it seems he is far off. I have struggled with that feeling often, but it’s truths that I have to cling to. Every time I try to take care of it all on my own, the more distant He feels.
I’m so sorry for the terrible illness you are struggling with. I pray for your healing as well. Also that you would feel His love and tenderness even in the hardest of hard times.
Such a well written and encouraging post!
I can really empathize with the ups, downs, and sharp turns of life’s circumstances. I also tend to want to take control over this rollercoaster ride. Interestingly, I often find while attempting to control the circumstances alone, many times the burden actually increases.
I have prayed to our Lord to provide me the wisdom needed to know when to just let go; and with trust hand the circumstance over to Him. And no matter the outcome, have the faith to understand the outcome is part of God’s plan for me.
Since being reborn, there have been times where I think I can feel God’s help in this area. Yet, I still tend to hang on to that rollercoaster handle real tight.
Again, very inspiring post. Perfect example of Real Life In Need of Real Faith.
Thank you so much for stopping by and commenting Corie. 🙂 What a journey it is to realize the areas we’re holding tight to and seeing how God works differently. I love your honesty and humility and am so excited for your continued journey with Him.
I am definitely not a roller coaster girl but what a beautiful way to illustrate the ups and downs of life and how out of control we can feel. So glad to see you at The Weekend Brew. Have a blessed week!
Oh Jolene, my life feels like a roller coaster most of the time. Thanks for sharing so honestly from your heart and from your walk with God here.