A few weeks ago, in one of my Facebook groups, a woman put out a call for prayer because her teenager left home before turning eighteen and they were hanging out with dangerous crowds. My heart immediately jerked and I wanted to lunge forward and give her a hug, because I know the feelings all too well.
I know the fears which rise up and the faith which grows in the journey. Her child returned, but I know many do not.
Below are words which poured out that day, modified for all of you who know the pain too. Whether you are a mom or dad, no doubt you worry about what choices your children make and no doubt you wonder, will they come to know the Lord as you so desperately desire them to?
I hear your heart, dear mama and dear papa. I am praying and my heart aches with you.
One of my sons left home at 17. It’s hard to see them go and even harder when they are making poor choices. I will pray for you now. If I may, I’d also like to offer a little encouragement. I hope this comes across with the care with which it is intended.
Every time you think of something which starts the fear to set in, remember to pray.
Remember to ask God to help your heart trust in Him because He created your child and He has plans for them. They don’t always make sense, but they are always intended to bring about good purposes in some crazy way.
Remember your prayers are never all for nothing, they are always all for something. No matter what the enemy says or how long it takes or what the outcomes may be, you are their parent. Your prayers matter.
Remember your child has their own choices to make and none of his choices make you a bad mom or dad.
Remember that if we didn’t each have our own choices we wouldn’t learn and we wouldn’t know how to truly love and be loved. God’s desire is to draw your child into a loving relationship with him. Sometimes that means allowing hard and scary circumstances. Even so, God is there. Pray they come to know His love and His presence.
Remember your Father God is their Father too. He can work out very hard things and very poor choices towards His glory still.
Father, I lift up the moms and dads to you now who know this hurt. I lift up their children to you with all these sisters-in-Christ here. Open the eyes of our children and soften their hearts to hear your voice.
Use this time to strengthen broken families in ways they can not even fathom today. Use this time to work your good in each heart and your glory over the whole situation.
Comfort and encourage those who love this child. Bring others around their children who can make a kingdom impact in their heart, ultimately for you. Amen.
I know this is terribly hard, I just want you to know God is in control. Whether or not we like what happens, He is never out of control. My now 19 year old was in his third or fourth vehicle accident and could have killed someone or himself, again. My mama’s heart wants to be scared often, but God continually reminds me of what I learned through fostering.
You see, when I cared for 13 kids in 15 months, and we had up to 12 in our home at one time, I had a lot of chaos, uncertainty, and destructiveness to deal with. When kids would ask me, “Are we going home? Are you going to adopt us?” my heart would break and I prayed and prayed, “God, what can I say to them?”
I was reminded over and over again that I just don’t have ultimate control over the decisions they make or the decisions others make which will impact their lives. I had to trust and lead by example so they would leave my home with some nuggets of our good God. Nuggets of knowing God was with them and they could trust him.
I told them that God was sad when others hurt them. I told them I didn’t know what was going to happen or where they would be. But, I would love them the best I could while they were with me and that the one person who would always, always, be with them was Jesus.
At that, it was like a huge weight lifted and a burden in parenting shifted. I had to trust God with my children’s futures. I had to learn to show love and nurture their hearts the best I could each day, knowing it may never be enough.
Something broke for me then and I felt greater freedom as a mom as a result.
I empathize with your pain to the degree I can and I want you to know, God sees. I pray your heart feels His presence in a very real way today. I also pray you find a close group of others in your community who can walk this journey with you. Cry with you. Pray with you. Just be with you.
God knows. God is listening. No matter what the enemy tries to tell you otherwise.
Carry on brave mama.
Carry on brave papa.
[tweetthis]If your heart has grieved when a child left home, know your pain is seen.[/tweetthis]
[tweetthis]Have a child who left home? Are you worried & praying? I’m praying too.[/tweetthis]
Much needed words today! Beautifully written.
XO
Tammy
(((hugs))) I treasure you.
My youngest left home when he was 18, and I had to keep reminding myself that God loves him more than I do and would watch over him. Really, with all my children as they left even at older ages, I have to trust God with them. He is so faithful and gives my mama heart a peace that can only come from him.
My youngest is back home now for a time and I can see how God has protected and how he has matured. I’m so thankful that I have a good relationship with all my children even though we don’t always agree. I know it’s because of God and His love and mercy.
Your prayer is beautiful, Jolene. I know it will encourage others. Blessings to you!
I love reading your heart about this whole painful journey Gayl. Thank you for adding words of encouragement and hope.
I can completely relate to this, and join Jolene in her encouragement to parents going through tough times with their children. It is our nature to want to shield them, to protect them from anything that could hurt them. For me, this was carried way too far in crisis. I allowed their trials and or rebellions to take me down very bad roads emotionally, and ended up in a place where I was no good to anyone.
That was one of the things I would use to help pull me out of it. The other people in my life deserved more. No matter how much pain I was in hurting for the one, the people who were left needed me and did not deserve to suffer losing me as well as their brother or sister.
It also helped to take an honest look at my life, and the times of my own rebellion and see what God has done with my failures, and in shaping me. How frightened my parents must have been for me. And well they should have been, for I allowed many dangerous things into my life. But God delivered me. There are scars, but they were necessary.It’s a good thing, these scars. I am the one who made them necessary, and I carry them as a reminder.
The one thing I would encourage in my children, no matter what, was to leave their heart open to God. It will be up to your child and God to resolve this, and it won’t happen on your timetable. I have even reconciled myself to the possibility that it may not happen in my lifetime. But it’s not about me. I have to remind myself of that, almost daily.
No matter how much I love them, not matter what emotional chaos it brings, I have learned that God loves them far more than I ever could. When I say learned it, I don’t mean intellectually because we all KNOW this in our minds. But to learn it in your heart, at least for me, took trial by fire. It also taught me how much God loves me in a way that I would NEVER had known, had I not been a parent to an errant child. Not only did He deliver my daughter, He delivered me as well. So now I have more confidence in the end result for my son.
Never give up hope and prayer. Guard your own hearts and minds, because you will need it. Fight the darkness it can bring, because darkness, depression..those things are not your friend.Trust is too hard in the dark and God is not part of that. Reach out to other Christian parents; this is no time to be alone.
Remember all the parables to not give up on prayer. Remember Abraham and Sarah, and how long they waited for their promise of a child. So long it made Sarah laugh. These things are shared with us for a reason, and what was once a mere Bible story now lives out it’s truth in our own lives. God’s working on them, but He’s also working on us.
So many lovely thoughts here. Thank you! I am right there with you about trial by fire being one of those things which helps us really, know that we know that we know. (((hugs)))