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“For everything there is a season, 
and a time for every matter under heaven: 
a time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; 
a time to kill, and a time to heal; 
a time to break down and a time to build up;

Thank you Lord for bringing me through this recent time, this season of intensity. A season where planting took place, then watering, and now I look pick some of the fruit and watch for the harvest yet to come.

Death of self ripped open more than I thought I could take. Yet, you’ve shown healing and brought new life. I have experienced the breaking down of much and look forward to the building up of more.

it's time for something new

A new season comes ushered in. A season of healing. This healing process has been the likes of which I have not felt for some time. To some of my friends I have described the last few months as a whirlwind of seasons hitting all at once. A time to grieve, a time to reap and now time to reflect, recharge and just ‘be’ at the feet of Jesus.

Bittersweet in all the ways.

…a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance,…

Looking back brings pangs of sadness as I grieve over losses and am reminded of experiences that left wounding imprints. Then, with an open and emotionally raw heart, one that has left itself exposed to the healing touch of the Father, I can look forward. Sadness displaced with gladness. He draws me toward the next steps. My steps are smaller than before, but He nudges me forward gently.

I turn towards that which I have to be thankful for, and am strengthened  through the words stored in my heart (Psalm 119:11), I begin to smile over many fond memories.  The underlying joy that resides deep within me breaks forth and the darkness dissipates enough so that I may clearly see the presence of my Lord, right there with me.

Though the gusts flare up occasionally, the wind dies down. The brightness of the Son shines through and shows new glories.

As brightness come forth, the Christmas season is ushered in.

M heart is in a much more child-like state. The wonder of all the things Christ found just in time for Christmas. Not a child-like state encumbered by the things of the world or engrossed in the immature ways of whining and demanding, rather the surety of knowing I am cared for and that what I have need of is given to me. The most delightful of all gifts found in resting with Him.

We do not have a steady income. Our future is uncertain.  There are many reasons to worry, to feel anxious and to reflect with feelings of failure. Often, I tend to feel uneasy, but overall this new child-like state settles in.

I remember words which our hearts need. We are safe, we are loved, we are accepted and we are in the hands of the most capable and loving Father anyone can have.

This is the year where I no longer care for the ways of hustling and bustling from store to store.  I no longer care to buy things we cannot afford in an attempt to give my children beautiful memories of waking up to a tree filled with presents on Christmas morning. This is the year my children no longer care for it either.

This year, what I give, is not something I bought. This year, what I give was given to me. It is something that was purchased by my Father. Through the gift of His son, the baby in whom we rejoice at Christmas time, the baby who would later be given up to the cross as the purchase price for me.

Through this gift, I have peace and I have joy. These are gifts that come in, overflow, and are then given to others.

This year, I will give out of the overflow of what I have been given and it means that things will look a lot different this Christmas season.

The gifts of peace and joy are expressed in so many different ways and look different to different people.

Often, it looks like the sharing or our homes, our possessions and our time others. It can look like serving others in need. It can also look like a smile and sincere appreciation and recognition to someone who needs the love and compassion of others.  Which is really all of us.

It looks like wonder and awe. It looks like peace and it looks like joy.

It looks like appreciation and contentment.

For me,  this looks like the time to begin something new.

It is time to step forward in new ways.

It is time to create new memories.

A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together – Ephesians 3:1-5a

It is time to gather new stones…to build anew.

This post is one of several written in the early years of healing post serving as foster parents. They include broken thinking, rambling thoughts, and a fight to survive as well as a desperate clinging to the hope only God can give. I pray God uses my story as an encouragement to those in the midst of the battle. You have God with you even now.

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