Date rape wasn’t the first time I experienced the pain of a broken world. It certainly wouldn’t be the last.
It also wasn’t the first or last time I would see the provision of a good God who cares for every human being. For His creation. His design.
All of us are fashioned after His image and looked upon with love and great favor. All cared for so deeply that God would allow his Son to be born a man, knowing he would suffer immensely and be put to death for our sake, by our own hands. By His own creation.
It seems incomprehensible, but it’s true and it means we can live a life of victory even in this crazy world. Because he died and took the penalty of sin with him. Because he rose and we live with victory over death when we live with him.
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There’s more to come which will help you know how to live with freedom, joy, and peace.)
Jesus even experienced the humility of growing from small cells into a fully formed human being, requiring the day in and day out nurturing care of a mother.
When God’s messenger announced to Mary the coming birth of Jesus, he didn’t say, “Behold, you have a fetus with the potential for life. If it makes it alive after birth, behold your Messiah.”
Rather, an angel came and spoke to this young virgin girl.
“And the angel said to her, ‘Do not be afraid, Mary, for you have found favor with God. And behold, you will conceive in your womb and bear a son, and you shall call his name Jesus.” ~ Luke 1:30-31
I guess this reiterates the deep profundity with which this truth rings in my heart. When a child is conceived, life is conceived.
Not the potential for life.
Life.
A human being.
How do our minds rationalize this away? How do we choose to let words draw us from things which are really so basic and fundamental?
Maybe, it’s because we’re scared. Something happened which we didn’t want or ask for. Mary never asked to get pregnant with such responsibility, but she did and she would have been shunned by many because of the audacity of it.
Still Hope grew within her.
I certainly didn’t ask to get pregnant. I needed hope.
As surely as I knew that life grew inside me, I needed to know that God’s hand would provide. That He cared about our days, about our challenges, and our joys.
I doubted it though. I trusted enough when he said He’d take care of me with my second son. It was so clear. But I was still scared. Honestly, quite terrified.
I knew God could, I just wasn’t sure He would.
Looking back, I see more clearly the miracles God worked.
He provided miraculously when I didn’t know how my doctor bills would be covered. I was afraid to make an appointment because if I did I’d lose my chance at health care coverage when finally getting hired full-time. This single mom working as a temp in a large corporation did get hired full-time, despite a hiring freeze and several other capable candidates. I ended up with the insurance coverage I needed, right when I needed it. And a good paying job.
God provided by tending to my heart time and time again. Like when I cried in my bedroom wondering whether or not I could keep this child, fearful of being reminded of this man when I looked upon my child’s face. I had no idea the grace in store for me. The same grace provided once before with my older son, was given again.
No matter where they come from biologically, our children are perfectly selected treasures from heaven. God looks upon every cell in the body, every hair on their head, every fiber of every being and says, “I love you.”
Despite genetics, every single time I have looked upon my son’s face I see – my son. A precious, uniquely created gift from God.
I don’t see the man who left me or the man who took advantage of me. I see how God looked upon me with favor and entrusted me with this child.
Me. Scared. Young. Alone. Incapable. Broke.
In numerous ways, God continued to provide what I needed most, when I needed it. More than physical or financial provision, He continued to cultivate my heart to realize my deep need for him. He continued to allow me to lean into hard circumstances which caused me to fall into a heap of desperate pleading.
By now, several months after my second son’s birth, I’d grown numb. I couldn’t yet see the blessings of God in giving me this second child. I couldn’t yet see there was any way out but trying to do the best I could on my own.
My whole life I tried hard to do the right thing. To be the good girl. Now, here I was a single mom of two boys from two different dads, deeply in debt, and so terribly alone.
With mounting pressures I kicked and screamed with angry fists at God, quite literally.
Suddenly, among the tears, words came to mind. Words of love which I’d read somewhere before. They nudged my heart to move towards Jesus rather than push him away.
In fretful cries, my heart broke open in what seemed to be the smallest way.
“I don’t really want you God,” I spoke honestly. “Help me to want to want you.”
This teeny step began a progression of faith which continues today. Every small step taken in faith towards God created opportunities for my heart to grow more in love with Him. In just the last few years I’ve known greater freedom, incredible joy, and lasting peace in ways I could have never fathomed.
Learning to trust God in the middle of the hardest circumstances gives blessings beyond imagination. But I’m not gonna’ lie. Every step has been hard, and usually quite scary. But without those steps, I would still be sitting on the sidelines of life and wondering if God would ever show his goodness to me. All along, his goodness is there, it’s just that sometimes we can’t see it or know it until we take those scary steps to find it.
Whether it’s date rape, violent rape, abuse of any kind, manipulations of others, accidents, or illnesses, God is still good and there is still Hope for each and every one of us. Hope came to earth in the form of a small child, entrusted to a young virgin. Hope rose to new life and conquered death forevermore. For those who look to Him for strength and courage, and put their trust in Him, this Hope is alive and with us every single day.
Dear reader, if you have been wounded in some way by the ways of others, please know you are deeply treasured by a good, good God. You may experience incredible pain in this world, and it grieves His heart that you do. Even so, there is unbelievable joy to be found and God delights to walk with you the journey of seeking it.
Would you like to know more? Follow me as I follow Christ, together we will look for His goodness and we will find that His love has the power to work through any and all circumstances, and bring about good.
Find the rest of the story and posts like it below:
- I Said No, He Said No Problem – A Story of Date Rape
- The Silent Screams of Date Rape
- Whispers of Faith After Date Rape
Also
- Share Your Story Linkup – #choosehope #lifematters
- Abortion Isn’t Neat
- The What Ifs About Life & Abortion
- Hope for the Woman Who Believes Abortion is Her Only Choice
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