My face squinted and I stopped short when I saw it. The blog post title said, “Emotions are liars.”
Although this phrase sparked head nodding conversation with others, I couldn’t agree to it. Something struck dissonance. I wasn’t able to verbalize why, just yet, but I knew I wanted to write my own blog post about why emotions are not liars. They are informers.
Months later, I also stopped short when scrolling through Twitter. I hadn’t interacted with Marc Schelske on social media before, but something got my attention this time. Marc was looking for supporters for his new book, The Wisdom of Your Heart.Â
Two immediate thoughts occurred.
- I love to support other writers and authors. Maybe I can support this book.
- Doesn’t the Bible say, “The heart is deceitful above all things,and desperately sick; who can understand it”? {Jeremiah 17:9} Maybe I can’t support this book.
Sill, I clicked through to learn more. The sub-title definitely intrigued me. Discovering the God-Given Power and Purpose of Your Emotions
I wondered what this guy had to say about emotions and what they tell us.
Every misgiving I had disappeared once I read the book. I devoured chapter after chapter on my Kindle, wishing I had a paperback copy to mark with highlights and notes. Since then, I’ve recommended it to several others and it’s been purchased by just as many men as women I know.
In the last couple of years, I’ve read a lot of books on emotions, emotional healing, emotional maturity, and how emotions tie to spiritual growth. I’ve also learned more about the way our brains work when it comes to the storing of emotions and emotional responses. This has been part of my healing and growth. It’s also awakened my dormant pursuit of Christian counseling and psychology studies, thus fueling my passion to help others become emotionally healthy as a part of their spiritual growth.
With all this learning, I was somewhat skeptical about reading anything new in The Wisdom of Your Heart.
I was wrong.
Sometimes being wrong is good.
Because of this book, I was able to better understand why that phrase about emotions being liars didn’t resonate with me. In the early chapters, Marc addresses four common myths Christians have about emotions and the first one is, emotions always lie. He says,
“…our core emotional responses are not lies. They are almost always telling us something true and important about our inner landscapes or outer circumstances.”
My passionate plea to all believers is to let the work of God continue in their lives beyond the point of salvation. I see so many Christians living stuck in ways I’m all too familiar with. One way is by reducing Christianity to head knowledge and deeds, void of dealing with any difficult emotion. Another, is to let difficult emotions cripple them from taking active steps of faith.
Emotions don’t need to take over our lives, but they must also not be ignored. They are God-given and play a vital role in the whole of who we are as image bearers.
Facing difficult emotions gives us an opportunity to reflect on our inner world. When we do so in partnership with God, and we respond to the work He wants to do in us, we find His power transforming us from the inside out. Thus, life long change occurs.
I get why people say emotions (feelings) are liars. I do. When we experience difficult emotions, like anger, hurt, sadness, anxiety, depression, we usually have thoughts that coincide with them. We need the truth of God to speak louder than the negative playlist in our heads. Those thoughts are part of the narrative that speaks untruth to our souls and our thoughts impact how we feel. Â Thus, we need to renew our mind daily as Paul says in Romans 12:2. This helps us from a downward cycle of difficult emotion, destructive thoughts, more painful experiences and less freedom, then more difficult emotions.
However, it is important to understand that the emotions are not what’s untrue. Even though our filters for understanding them is often unclear and sometimes destructive.
The process of experience – emotion – thought – action seems like one fixed event. Therefore, if we feel angry because someone cut us off on the highway, we might believe that the feeling is what lies to us when we think things like, “that jerk!” In this case, our response is an unhealthy response. But the feeling of anger isn’t what’s lying to us. It’s the narrative thoughts that follow and the underlying beliefs we already hold.
Marc says the emotional response sequence is really more like four separate but connected events. He explains further in the third section of the book which talks about the neuroscience and physiology behind emotions and action.
These topics aren’t always easy to consider, because we all want to avoid difficult emotions. However, when we take the time to lean into what our emotions are telling us, we find a God who is transforming us.
I could go on, but I’m going to stop here. Marc and I talked a whole lot more in the interview below. He shares his story behind the book and I share some of mine as it relates to emotional unhealth. We also talk about how Christians respond to one another during times of emotional distress and how we can do a better job of listening and loving.
Learn about emotional maps, myths, our emotional God, what happens physiologically when we experience certain emotions, how we can lean into the underlying issues going on internally so real growth can occur, and the tools Marc provides to help Christians grow emotionally healthy.
You can watch it on YouTube or listen to the player below.
Cultivated Resources:
- Marc Schelske’s Blog
- The Wisdom of Your Heart Site – Click on the top where it says “Click Here for Book Resources” and you’ll find loads of additional content to coincide with the book. Includes; infographics, small group discussion prompts, video teaching and more.
- Do Emotions Lie? – Information secular article by Psychology Today.
- Unleash: Heart & Soul Care Sheets – uncover more about the thoughts and feelings you’re having and process them with God in a way that fosters healing and growth
I wrestle with overwhelming emotions (Anxiety, fear and anger) so often. I have always been told ignore them, fake it till you make it and that honors God. He has been teaching me this year that that is not the abundant life He has in mind.
“Not the abundant life He has in mind.” Yes, this! Abundant means so much more than we tend to think it does. Abundance in Christ is richer than we know, even though it might include aspects that feel tough or painful up front.
I found this really helpful. I know that I need to deal with my emotions, but I don’t. I know exactly what I do with them as well. Everytime something difficult comes along my way, I come crashing into it, look at the mess it’s made, and instead of piecing it back together to see what it was meant to be I sweep it all up, put it into a box and place it on a shelf for another day to sort it out!
Ah yes, it’s easy and all too common to shove it aside for another day. We don’t want to face the pain or push through the discomfort of what’s happening. Inevitably, that box gets too full and it all comes out in some way. So glad you are delving into this, Lynne.
I love the distinction you make between emotions and the lying thoughts they can lead too. Yes, I’ve often thought of emotions themselves as lie. This article opens my eyes to consider a different perspective.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Jennifer. I love it when we can consider different perspectives. 🙂
“Functional depression.” Hmmmm. You are describing a loved one…
Emotions are very relevant to becoming saved. If we ignore our emotions which leads one to recognize their sin and to recognize their need of repentance, they will be living in a fear-based religion, or a static, repetitive ritual based upon works, and not upon Faith and Belief. Jesus wept.
The Bible tells us out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks, so I don’t think emotions lie, rather they are signs of what’s really in our hearts and needs to be dealt with and cultivate healing. I think learning the proper process of dealing with emotions develops character and maturity. This seems very complex to me. Isn’t there a connection with our thoughts and emotions? I keep thinking of the Chinese proverb, Be careful of your thoughts, for your thoughts become your words. Be careful of your words, for your words become your actions. Be careful of your actions, for your actions become your habits. Be careful of your habits, for your habits become your character. Be careful of your character, for your character becomes your destiny. —
Wow, I’m so thrilled to see all the engagement and comments around this topic and the book. That’s so good to see.
Wilma — you asked a great question, “Isn’t there a connection with our thoughts and emotions.” There certainly is. An emotion actually is a kind of thought, although it is a thought that involves much more than our prefrontal cortex! It’s a kind of full-body thought.
When we experience an emotion 4 things happen in quick succession. First, we experience a change in body posture. Maybe our shoulders tighten, or our gut clenches. The recent brain research has demonstrated that we experience emotions in our body before our thinking brain even knows we’re experiencing them! Another reason why learning to pay attention to our body is so important. Second, we experience a flood of habitual thought patterns. These are the beginning of conscious experience of the emotion. The thoughts that swirl in mind will be thoughts in the tone of whatever emotion we are experiencing. Third, our mind homes in on an object that we believe must have caused this reaction in us. Fourth, our mind generates a little proto-story explaining why this happened. “He’s a jerk and he’s out to get me,” or “She must really like me.”
All of this happens in this order, but it happens in the spam of a moment, so in our experience it feels like a single experience. But knowing that the emotion is actually a composite experience can really help us. You can see that it’s in the 3rd and 4th step that we begin to interpret our emotion, and that’s where the lie can enter in. All too often we jump to conclusions about who or what caused our emotional response. Sometimes the stories our minds create are self-justifying stories, that keep us from seeing our own responsibility in the situation. This is where the problems arise.
So, yes, emotions and thoughts are connected for sure. Learning how to pay attention to our emotions and understand them is one of the key ways we mature as human beings, and as people fearfully and wonderfully made in God’s image.
Great, thorough reply, Marc! Thank you for sharing those thoughts. I knew you’d say this better than I could.
Wilma, this concept is discussed in great length in the book. Plus, Marc has some great resources that add to this on his site.
Thank you Marc and Jolene – I’m looking forward to learning through Marc’s book and other resources on his site!
I use worship music a lot to deal with overwhelming emotions. It grounds me when I can’t focus otherwise. Shane and Shane is best!
Love the way Shane and Shane’s music brings spiritual calm and strength. Worship helps me a lot too, Tracy. 🙂
Emotions are a misunderstood gift. I need my emotions, but I like to allow God to minister to me and guide me, especially when dealing with negative or intense emotions. Often my emotions are indicators pointing to a deeper hurt or pain that the Holy Spirit wants to minister to. This looks like a great book!
I think our emotions lie to us, I think the farther you are from God the more they lie to us.
I try my hardest to take all my emotions to God, I search the Word.
I don’t think it’s the emotion that lies to us…emotions are indicators. However, we tend to be so out of touch with our emotions we don’t pay attention to the thoughts we attach to those emotions. We tend to function as reactors instead of responders. We need to tune into the emotion, so far as to know why we are feeling that way and what thoughts tend to flow from us when the emotions are strong.
Does that make sense?
How do I personally deal with emotions? It’s a toss-up between doing the mature thing and tuning in to see why I feel the way I do before acting on the given emotion, or just feeling and reacting. When I’m tired I tend to opt for #2. Not good.
Yeah, I can so relate to that Gay. Thank you for sharing. Being tired, overly stressed, and overwhelmed make it challenging to manage the impact of emotions in a moment.
Jesus Wept. John 11:35 I trust this is a emotion?
Yes. Definitely, yes.