When I started blogging, rather, when I first started a blog and did virtually nothing with it, I did so with the hopes and dreams of sharing my learning journeys. My passions were steeped in grand overtures of cooking, gardening, herbs and DIY natural home & beauty care.
I figured everyone would want to know all the great things I learned about and about my successes and failures as I tried these things. That’s what blogging is about right? It would be a mah-velous adventure!
So, I read, I studied, I researched. I collected a wealth of information on the whys and the how-tos of all these grand venues. I collected books, websites, information and supplies. Yet, I remembered little. And followed through on even less.
There are plenty of great reasons why I didn’t accomplish much in these ventures. After all, I was doing a lot elsewhere.
I had two small children 14 months apart, two older boys to home school and I operated a non-profit Christian lending library. There was my husband to love, friends to meet, and a plethora of ministry activities to lead and assist with as well as a step-son that visited two to three weekends a month from an hour and a half away. Then, we moved and began to foster multiple children.
Years passed, and I was too busy to do what I had in mind to do. Although I’ve heard that you are never too busy to do what’s really important to you. So there’s that. Hmmm….
Perhaps, I could have made more time?
Perhaps, it just wasn’t the right time?
More likely, His time looked much different than my time.
Really likely, what I had in mind just wasn’t quite what God had in mind.
I frequently ask, and remind myself to ask –
What do you have for me in THIS season Lord?
Right now, where I am at.
I pray that I will will not miss the gifts in the season I am in.
Despite my pursuits, I felt strongly that it was not my season to accomplish much. At least, not much of the desires I sought after.
I knew this. I knew, that I knew, that I knew, it was not my season. I told myself and I told others. But I wanted it! Like a child, I wanted what I wanted and I wanted it now!
So, I fought against the daily, seemingly mundane, activities of life; cleaning sticky messes, sweeping, vacuuming, cooking because you had to eat and not for fun, responding to whining and fighting children, wiping butts, toilet training young ones, trying to get one child to actually DO their school work and fighting with another about the WHY of doing their school work.
Occasionally I found joy in this, but not often.
In other areas, I complied with things I felt He was leading me to do, though I felt ill equipped and I wasn’t sure why I was doing them, except to serve Him.
At one point, I felt called to lead a talent show two years in a row. (For those who really know me, leading a large event is not my forte’.)
We also held a monthly teen fellowship night in our home because we felt led to do so. And then there’s the non-profit library and ministry we ran, and the move to a ranch to foster and have up to 12 kids at one time. These were both large, adventurous, and often overwhelming, undertakings, especially for an introvert.
During these years I’d step up, then step down from ministries on occasion. I needed to refocus on family and reprioritize.
Through times of obedience and times where it lacked, my Father has spoken. Over and over again he has called out to me.
Be patient and I will give you rest.
Wait and trust in Me.
Trust that my plans are perfect, they are for your best and for my glory.
Believe in my wisdom and put your faith in me.
You will find rest in Me as you seek Me with all your heart.
And then, I believe there is something else that He wants me to understand.
Do not waste the season you are in.
I have a purpose for you now.
Seek Me, Ask of Me, and Receive from Me what I have for you in this moment.
Mentally, I got it.
Parts of my heart softened and surrendered to enjoy and live in the season I was in.
But, parts of my heart still held back.
He kept taking me in places I hadn’t expected to go, places I often didn’t want to go.
The Lord had work for me to do that looked different than the things I sought. Yet, as I struggled internally, and wrestled with God, I grew.
In some areas I laid down my needs and wants to seek after His. It was here that I found peace and joy.
In other areas I still held back. There, I felt sadness and lacked peace.
Where I kept a part of my heart back, I did not reap the full benefit of what my Father had for me.
Remember the song in Sesame Street?
“Which one of these things is not like the other?”
I’ve been like that. God reveals things that work together and then there’s a stubborn soul sticking out, standing there saying, I don’t want to do what fits and what belongs in this picture you’ve put together God. Don’t you know what I want to do?
I told God, I’m ready now for the season that is ahead of me. I told God that this is what I want to do. It’s kind of like wearing a bikini on the coast of Maine…in January. Or, a heavy parka in the deserts of Arizona, in August. It doesn’t fit. It doesn’t belong.
He wanted me to look ahead with hope while accepting the season I’m in now. He would be with me in both.
Then – the light shines on the one who isn’t doing what they are supposed to be doing, and it is painfully obvious. At this point a decision has to be made. Either continue in a foolish pattern of doing your own thing, or look to the Creator and ask him to show you where you really belong. At this point, I recognized that my warring desires were frequently faced with a call to surrender.
The more I laid down my needs and desires, the more I began to see that not only had I been battling God’s plan and His best for me, but I was fighting against my unique strengths and giftings. I was forcing desires in my life that weren’t for me. They were part of my journey, but not the fulfillment of where God wanted me to go.
God’s blessings are found by a heart committed to Him no matter what. This is a much sweeter place to be; a place where peace is found.
“Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth.” – Colossians 3:2
I recognized that my attempts to cook, garden, etc. and my desire to blog about it, just weren’t coming to fruition. I watched my sister’s faithfulness in a focused area help her in a successful allergy friendly blog. I noticed that friends were accomplishing far more than I when it came to my areas of significant interest.
Then, I realized that all these desires I had (have) were really more like passionate hobbies. The deeper, more prominate desire in my heart was to learn, and to share with others about my loving and almighty Father. It’s to help others grow closer to Him and learn to live a life that’s cultivated by Him.
It was time to ACCEPT my own journey.
It was time to ACCEPT that it looked different than what I envisioned. That it looked different than others’ journeys.
It was time to ACCEPT that when I have trusted and obeyed in serving Him over the years I have been fulfilling part of my purpose.
It was time to ACCEPT that his timing is best.
It was time to ACCEPT the season I’m in. It is part of His plan and is for his glory.
It was time to BELIEVE and ACCEPT that God’s future plans for me would be for His glory too, no matter what they look like.
It was time to grow further in TRUSTING God’s plan over my own.
Over time, I’ve come to learn more about my strengths, my weaknesses, and areas of my soul that needed healing. I’ve come to accept that God is always at work and there is something to be gleaned from today that can be enjoyed tomorrow.
I faced this reality head on. The reality of where my strengths really lie. The reality that I wouldn’t ever have a fabulous DIY, or natural living, or organic gardening blog because I will think more about it than do anything with it. I faced the reality that God had something different for me. By facing this and accepting it, it didn’t mean death to me. It meant life.
I accepted the things I have not done, the things I thought I had failed in. I reflected on the reasons why. I considered the things I have done, and then accepted the gifts God HAS given me.
It wasn’t so much about failing, as it was about succeeding. Succeeding by accepting that who I am is better defined by Christ and not by what I think I should be. Succeeding by laying down my wants and desires entrusting them to my Father. Succeeding by recognizing what my true abilities are and seeking to pursue how these fit in His plan.
When we fight for the seasons ahead of us, we miss the beauty of the season we’re in. I want to accept and savor every bit of His glory right here, right now.
[PUBLISHED November 9, 2013]